Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
