8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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