Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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