if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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