and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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