My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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