just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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