im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
