apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
