sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's blow job season.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
