he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Four minutes until I can fart!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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