at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize