3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You pole danced in your parka.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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