My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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