i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
