Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
