i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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