Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
