btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
