every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
