I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
