glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my liver is dry heaving
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
