just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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