Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
