I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
