I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
