I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
