Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
