i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
