So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
