my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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