Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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