I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
