you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
where does the pee come out of this thing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
