Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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