don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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