I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
