Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
