Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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