I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I look better un-naked...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
