In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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