the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
