I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
