Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
