I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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