I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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