their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this