Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
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Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex