I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
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Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations