Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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