Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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