Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
