apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He did a backflip because drugs
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
