shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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