she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
