Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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