WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
