And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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