I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hippo gnu deer
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
