where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize