hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
