Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
