then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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