Life is so much better after having sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
